I Know You Could Not Stay.

23 Dec I Know You Could Not Stay.

I Know You Could Not Stay.

It's been a tough year for you, my sweetheart.

You battled through four separate hospital stays in the first five months when, given your choice, there would have been none.

But determined and competitive is how Oliver, our wonderful chiropractor, summed you up after just two visits. Battling is what you do.

I desperately needed you in my life, to have and to hold and it was probably selfish of me to put you through all of that when you would much rather, in your own words, "pop your clogs."

The loss of dignity for you must have been unbearable; given how shy and private we both are.  It was hard to watch - it must have been, for you, a million times worse.

I knew deep down that you couldn't stay and that eventually things would change. Life does that to us all.  I hoped, though, that maybe we might have longer but I am so blessed to have had you in my life for fifty years.

You changed me.

From some self-centred, not so nice to know individual - into someone who now chooses to put others first.

Ironic really, when I spent almost my entire life trying to get you to put yourself first, that I should now end up with this 'affliction'.

You did that, my Bride. Thank you.

It took a while but your unfailing kindness to others left an indelible mark. A gentler soul than you could not exist.

I tell myself that you're at peace and surrounded by those you love and who love you.

Roger, Timothy, Tony, Joan and Win.  Every one of whom shares your incredible beauty of soul. It just runs in your family.

How you ended up with me is still one of life's mysteries but one for which I will be eternally grateful.

So many happy memories of our time here together,  Not everything was perfect but I guess life isn't meant to be.

What I do know for sure - that every day my love just got, and still gets, stronger and stronger. Heart & Soul, I fell in Love with you.

Of the two of us, you were by far the stronger. Outwardly so private and so shy.  So very fragile. I always felt the overwhelming need to love and protect you.

When I sometimes would rage at the injustice of the world, quietly and sometimes loudly,

Inwardly, you had enough strength to cope with whatever life threw at you.

From the moment I clapped eyes on you, that Friday afternoon in November '73, you have always put everyone before yourself.

So chalk and cheese then - even if they do say, that when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear.

There's me thinking I was teaching you golf when all along you were shaping our future.

I'm so glad it was you.

I watch other people together and question whether they have found true love?

Do they know the meaning? Or are they simply content?

It's easy to say, much harder to live.

It requires transparency, vulnerability and honesty.  Things that were missing in my life until you came along.

Our love story has so many memorable moments but my favourites were always the simple pleasure of being close to you.

Holding hands, playing 'footsie', listening to our favourite music. Shopping together became a profession.

I didn't take it for granted - not for one second.

As I always told  "You make my toes curl up."

You told me you'd loved all our time together and would like to do it all over again.

I can't wait for that moment when you're back in my arms. Or maybe I'm in yours? However, life plays out the next time around.

Until then, I will try not to slip back into my old ways.  You always felt like my safety net, so it's important that you stick around.

I'm still doing things now, not because they need doing, but because doing them will make you happy.  It was ever so.

Even though you could no longer stay, you're still in my heart.

Always and forever, I love you so much.

Your Groom.