27 Oct It Takes Courage To Be Kind.
It Takes Courage To Be Kind.
I'm kind now because I grew up cruel.
As a kid, I was a piece of work. I'm ashamed to say.
Cruel to pets. Cruel to family. Cruel to strangers, in one way or another.
Not nice to know.
Of the Twelve Commandments, I broke eleven. Not that I cared much for religion, then or now.
It's a miracle I didn't end up behind bars, but leopards do change their spots late in the day.
I didn't know what it was to be kind until....
Until one day the phone rang and a voice on the other end asked to book a golf lesson.
"I'm coming anyway" was the response when I said I'd have to check my diary.
At 2pm on that Friday afternoon in November 1973, my lesson turned up.
You meet most people in life and know that you won't remember them or the moment. Some you know you will always remember and the moment.
Over the past fifty years, the sweetest person I have ever met has shown me what it means to be kind.
Sent to boarding school by her parents at the shockingly tender age of three, she has always put everybody's interests before her own. All of the time.
We just clicked and have been together ever since.
I have tried over the years to get her to put her own happiness ahead of others and it's been largely unsuccessful. But it's changed who I am.
I'm fiercely protective of my wife in every way imaginable. Trying to make her as happy as I possibly can because she deserves no less.
Slowly and then all of a sudden, I finally got what Kindness means.
It's contagious. The positive physical effects, oxytocin and serotonin, are experienced in the brain of everyone who witnesses the act.
We simply feel better when we witness a kind act.
The problem is that we have all become so used to compartmentalising our kindness rather than making it a way of life.
Kind to people we like - not so much to those we don't know
Much of the conflict in the world today is as a misinterpretation of religion.
Yet all religions have the same core belief:
"Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful." - Buddhism.
"In everything, do unto others as you would have them do unto you." - Christianity.
"Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself." - Islam.
"What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbour. This is the whole Torah. The rest is commentary. Go and learn it" - Judaism.
"I am a stranger to no-one and no-one is a stranger to me. Indeed I am a friend to all." - Sikhism
Imagine politicians that could only say kind things. Imagine sharing freely, knowing there is enough for everyone.
Israel has the power to be a force for good in Palestine. To help the less fortunate. To heal the wounds. To not give its neighbour any excuse to hurt. Those in power choose not to help in this way. To not be kind.
Do they fear rejection of a kind act? Do they imagine it makes them appear weak? Weakness is in revenge. Where there is power, there is always resistance. The greater the power, the greater the resistance.
Kindness came to me late in life. I'm so grateful that it found me, for a life without it would have been a misery.
How then might agents be kind?
If you're one of those that embrace competition, kindness is no barrier to "winning".
Instead, it can position you as favourite.
A client that knows for certain you put kindness ahead of simply being nice.
Not everyone who is nice is kind. Not everyone who is kind is nice.
The two words aren't inter-changeable.
Most agents are nice - they are "trained" to be nice; to be polite, pleasant, professional. That doesn't mean they are necessarily being genuine.
Ultimately, we often act nice because we want something in return. Pure manipulation. Superficial.
Kind, on the other hand, is genuinely caring about others. It allows us to communicate honestly.
Sometimes, that can mean being the bearer of bad news.
"Your home isn't worth that much."
As opposed to "I'm sure that with our world-class marketing, we can achieve that price for you."
Or telling a potential client that now is not the best time for them to sell.
I know one or two Kind estate agents - they are exceptional at what they do and I would use them in a heartbeat. I know a few thousand nice agents that are very competent - for me that's never enough.
When I'm choosing five core values, I often wonder which of the five I most value.
Candour, Curiosity, Integrity, Congruence or Kindness?
Tough call but Kindness comes out top.
What advice would I give to my younger self?
Be kind that much sooner.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
Here's how to reach me:
chris@andsothestorybegan.co.uk
Mob: (44) 07369251435
Chris.
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